Typically narcissistic blogging.

Mistakes I Make With Women: Caring

I find myself in a difficult spot these days. I need a break from dating, from emotional attachments. But I don’t need—or want—a break from sex. So theoretically, I need to find somebody (or somebodies) I can sleep with without the emotional attachment.

Now here, I run into a problem. While I can sleep with somebody without falling for her, I cannot do it without caring. And when I care, I really care. My friends can tell you that if they need anything, I will do everything I can to make sure they get it—and if it is out of my power, I will check in until I know that somebody else provided for them.

My friends will also tell you that I check in with them regularly, that I want to make sure they know I love them, that I like them, that I care—and that I think they are awesome. I think about my friends on a daily basis—some of them, admittedly, more than others. And while I might do this less with somebody with whom I am merely having sex, I still do it. Because frankly, just because it’s just sex, it doesn’t mean that person is any less human or any less on my radar (in some ways, more—when I want somebody badly enough, she is always on my mind).

(And that, gentle reader, is before I even start making an effort. If I am actually dating a woman she gets treated very, very well. I don’t mess around, there.)

I have been told that I can’t do this if I am just sleeping with somebody, that it will be confusing to the woman or women with whom I am sleeping, that they won’t be able to take what I am offering at face value—regardless of the fact that I offer everything at face value, and I offer what I offer as a matter of course. And I offer what I offer because I can’t not. If it’s obvious to me that somebody should have something, or experience something, then not offering is like having an itch between my shoulders.

I have been told that they won’t appreciate it, that they will run from it. And I know that this is right. Every experience I have had bears this out.

So what do I do if I can’t not care and I don’t know how to not give? Does every gift I give, every text I send have to come with a disclaimer, now?

This gift/text comes carries no obligation or investment, emotional or otherwise, on the part of either conferrer or recipient. Conferrer accepts all responsibility for any choices made from conception of gift/text idea to delivery; recipient is not required to accept gift/text or use it respectfully or wisely. Unless otherwise and explicitly stated, conferrer does not expect recipient to take her clothes off upon or within six (6) months of receipt. However, conferrer would probably appreciate it, because recipient is wicked hot.

Or do I have to find that unicorn of a lover who understands that the sex doesn’t have to be meaningful, and the relationship doesn’t have to be meaningful, but I am still going to be caring, and kind, and appreciative?

Neither option seems feasible, or likely.

So maybe I’m S.O.L. Maybe I’m not gettin’ some any time soon. But that’s cool. As much trouble as it has been to me in the past, and as much trouble as it is now, I like the fact that I care.

9 responses

  1. Marisa

    It’s a right shame you and Indigo aren’t suited.

    March 13, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    • Yeah, but we are suited for bitching about such things and he and I should totally do that over drinks sometime.

      March 13, 2011 at 6:02 pm

  2. Marisa

    Additionally, I have always found it annoying that, because I wasn’t a callous bitch, men with whom I had casual relations assumed I wanted relationships. No, flowers don’t mean monogamy, or that I have the time or energy to stalk you. /sigh

    March 13, 2011 at 6:05 pm

  3. I have been told that I can’t do this if I am just sleeping with somebody, that it will be confusing to the woman or women with whom I am sleeping, that they won’t be able to take what I am offering at face value — regardless of the fact that I offer everything at face value, and I offer what I offer as a matter of course. And I offer what I offer because I can’t not. If it’s obvious to me that somebody should have something, or experience something, then not offering is like having an itch between my shoulders.

    I so have this problem. It got me in trouble quite recently.

    May 24, 2011 at 11:52 am

    • Yeah, it gets me into trouble pretty much every time.

      May 25, 2011 at 6:00 pm

  4. Dylan

    I’ve tries the disclaimer. It doesn’t work either. It just freaks people out more. (le sigh)

    July 22, 2011 at 11:31 am

  5. Jenn

    I’ve done it, and truthfully, sex without caring isn’t that good. Give it time– you’ll either find a good “friend with benefits” that truly is just that or you’ll find a relationship unexpectedly. Either way, you can still care and have good sex.

    July 22, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Talk back to me:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 994 other followers