Typically narcissistic blogging.

…You Must Be Human

If you have ever found yourself in a position to doubt where you stand with a friend, lover, or partner…you must be human.

If you have ever found yourself unable to properly interpret body language—at least, enough to make some sense out of your situation…you must be human.

If you have ever stared at an individual you desire, not sure whether he or she does desire, or still desires you…you must be human.

If you have ever found yourself fighting the desire to shake somebody and ask them to please tell you what the fuck is going on…you must be human.

If you cannot help but want them and smile at their antics even while you are wondering where they stand…you must be human.

If you are afraid to just ask…you must be human.

If you ask and get the answer you were expecting (but not the one you wanted)…you must be mehuman.

5 responses

  1. Those ninjas can be tricksy. Some refuse to sign the pledge to use their powers only for good and never for evil. =(

    July 24, 2011 at 11:54 am

    • And some are simply so busy trying not to mislead you in one direction that they ultimately mislead you in another.

      July 24, 2011 at 1:05 pm

  2. rmharman

    I recently finished Jacqueline Carey‘s latest paperback*, Naamah’s Curse, and it left me wishing our cultural assumptions about friendship, romance, and sex looked more like those in Terre d’Ange. It bothers me that once sexual desire is out in the open, it seems like most people think it either has to be requited, or rejected in a way that precludes maintaining the existing relationship.

    If I want somebody that way, it means I think they’re wonderful human beings. I feel lucky to spend time with them at all. The world is a better place for having them in it. Turning up my nose at a non-sexual friendship would be unimaginable — like, say, refusing a free Tesla Roadster because the paint is the wrong color.

    If folks could just say, “Sorry, no, let’s never speak of this again,” that’d be fine. And the fact that they often seem unable to do that raises the stakes on how you have to tune your approach to them in a way that is, I think, a source of much unfortunate drama.

    * The next one is out in hardback, so I can’t call it her latest book. And really that read left me with a bunch of ideas in my head, all tangled up together, in a manner that is making it difficult to untangle the stuff that’s self-serving and self-deceptive from the stuff that is actually enlightening. It was a REALLY good read, in any case.

    July 25, 2011 at 8:33 am

    • Yes, that would be lovely, although this is cuddled up to this part of the issue I am actually facing, which is that the desire was requited, but then muddled up by the desired subject’s inability to handle or trust who and what I am, her attempts at being affectionate while avoiding eye contact whenever possible, and, I believe, her assumption/presumption that my feelings for her go deeper than mere desire.

      I have yet to determine whether she is going to allow it to make friendship difficult or impossible.

      July 25, 2011 at 10:09 am

  3. rmharman

    her assumption/presumption that my feelings for her go deeper than mere desire.

    And so what if they do? Why does it matter if feelings are asymmetrical? Even very asymmetrical? Where’s the actual harm in it?

    No two people actually feel precisely the same about each other, and in many cases there’s a kind of ebb and flow — one of you goes through a rough time in relation to work, or family, and you find yourself relying a little more on somebody, then later you want a little more space. Whatever. I don’t get why people can’t just say, “You make my life more pleasant,” and consider that enough. Maybe for one person, it’s “you’re fun company and make me come like a freight train”, and for the other it’s a more intense experience, like “you make me want to be a better person and bring me closer to G*d.” As long as neither of you puts demands on the other to feel something other than what you actually do, I don’t get why this is a problem.

    I suppose if you’re strictly monog, it could be an issue. The person with the less passionate feelings about the relationship may want to find somebody they feel that kind of passion for, and doesn’t feel OK being in a physical relationship while they’re trying to date around and find that person. And I suppose may even feel uncomfortable having somebody around who might “scare off” candidates for that role. But I tend to think we should enjoy what pleasures life offers while they’re available. As the puppets say, it’s only for now; but that’s OK.

    July 26, 2011 at 10:09 am

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