With sincere thanks to my awesome friend SushiSpook for the inspiration:

Like this:
Like Loading...
December 29, 2012 | Categories: Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Music, Observations | Tags: 90s, charts, fire water burn, flowchart, geekery, graphs, humor, love shack, music, party, raise the roof, the roof is on fire | Leave A Comment »
This is the general progression for any time I catsit for longer than a few days.
For the record, I did not actually find any cat journals. All cat journal entries are 57% fictional.
Click image if you think WordPress compression sucks.

Like this:
Like Loading...
October 8, 2012 | Categories: Cats Are Assholes, Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Pets | Tags: boltz, cats, cats are assholes, catsitting, caturday, graphs, humor, moto, nijinsky, nutz, pets, snark | 5 Comments »
A handy reference for people who date other people.

Like this:
Like Loading...
August 9, 2012 | Categories: Being Single, Dating, Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Observations, Really?, Relationships | Tags: breakups, communication, crushes, dating, desire, dumping, email breakup, flirting, graphs, humor, Love, Rejection, relationships, self-esteem, sex, snark, social awkwardness, text message breakup, whiskey, women | 3 Comments »

(But not donut holes. Seriously, fuck those. They aren’t holes. The hole is what is left in the donut. They are donut balls. And that’s all I’m going to discuss about balls and holes today, or at least before lunch.)
Like this:
Like Loading...
July 6, 2012 | Categories: Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Random | Tags: charts, diagrams, donut holes, donuts, eat ALL the donuts, Food, glazed donuts especially, graphs, humor, munchies, pastries, self-control, venn diagram | 7 Comments »
My dear friend Sasha pointed out that my blog composition has settled into a sort of triangle of topics. And I’m cool with that. It’s just not the topics I thought they would be. Witness:

Once again, the cats have won the internet. Resistance was futile. We’ve all been assimilated. And with that in mind, prepare yourselves for the most recent conversation with Otto, a guest blog from the abovementioned Sasha.
Like this:
Like Loading...
April 15, 2012 | Categories: Being Single, Conversations with pets, Dating, Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Pets, Relationships, The Job Hunt | Tags: charts, communication, dating, flowchart, geekery, graphs, humor, law, legal, Love, politics, relationships, snark, Unemployment, women, work | 2 Comments »
As girl quickly traverses the spectrum from Young to Asshole, this week just keeps getting better.†
Click image to make readable.†
You won’t regret it.‡

† “Better.” (11-second vid, has audio—in case you are reading this at work/school.)
† Stupid compression.
‡ Well. Maybe.
Like this:
Like Loading...
March 21, 2012 | Categories: Being Single, Dating, Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Observations, Really?, Relationships | Tags: communication, dating, friends, graphs, humor, Love, manners, puppies, Rejection, relationships, self-esteem, sex, snark, social awkwardness, text message breakup, whiskey, women | Leave A Comment »
CLICK IMAGE TO DECOMPRESS

Like this:
Like Loading...
February 19, 2012 | Categories: Diagrams and Charts, Observations, Random, Really? | Tags: bad day, complaining, whinging, WHINING, whining some more | 8 Comments »
For the record, I know how this flowchart ought to look.
Click Image. Then click it again. Just because you love to click.
You love to click so much.

Like this:
Like Loading...
February 15, 2012 | Categories: Dating, Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Observations, Relationships | Tags: charts, communication, compliments, flirting, flowchart, friends, friendship, geekery, graphs, humor, looks, Rejection, relationships, self-esteem, shy, social anxiety, social awkwardness, taking compliments, women | 7 Comments »
This is for the hordes of underage would-be drinkers who seem to think that:
- They have the best, most winning argument for why I should let them into the bar;
- They are the most trustworthy underage drinkers I will ever meet;
- I am just blindly following an unfair law;
- I’m just being an unsympathetic hardass who doesn’t want them to have a good time.
Click image if you find the crazy WordPress compression blurring to be annoying as shit:

Like this:
Like Loading...
January 27, 2012 | Categories: Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Legal, Observations, Really? | Tags: 21, alcohol, bar, bartenders, bartending, booze, drinking, drinks, fake ID, go steal alcohol from Safeway and drink it in parking lots like we had to, law, legal, responsibility, under 21, underage drinkers, Underage drinking | Leave A Comment »
Right now, liberally-minded people are in a bit of a bind, because we are stuck between a weak and a crazy place. Seems to me, the political picture looks a bit like this:
Step on a crack, break the Constitution’s back
Part of the issue, of course, is that right now the two primary parties in this country have largely forgotten themselves—who they are and why they even exist. They’ve become lost in the mire that is politics, and right now the viable candidates for both have failed to impress. The Republicans are stronger, because they have no problem breaking the rules and salting the earth to get what they want out of political negotiations, and the Democrats are less terrifying, but seem to accomplish virtually nothing in comparison. Also, right now the candidates for the parties fall somewhere on these respective spectra:
(Click on them if the blurring is as irritating to you as it is to me)
Wondering where “Douchey” is? It’s the entire line.
.
Sorry, I don’t have a little Obama figure for you to put somewhere on the line.
So, what to do?
I’ve seen three solutions to the problem:
1. Vote for Obama anyway.
2. Vote for Ron Paul.
3. Vote some other third party and stick it to the 2-party system.
If I leave the first option alone, since I already discussed Obama here, and pretend that people aren’t seriously considering the racist, homophobic, anti-EPA, pro-religion in schools, anti-separation of church and state wingnut that is Ron Paul (discussed beautifully and thoroughly, with sources, here), I still have to consider the third.
If a third party were to come up with a strong candidate—one with actual political experience, one who knows how the system works and can be strong within it, and one with enough charisma to carry a country, now would be the time. This country is filled with people who are disgruntled, angry, depressed, and disappointed. If ever there were a time to vote outside the two-party system, it’s now.
But here is why I don’t buy the third party argument, and I am plagiarizingexpanding on a reply I gave to thoughtful commenter Dana:
Let’s pretend we have a viable third-party candidate (we don’t). I still seriously doubt the option, because everybody who is disgruntled with the current situation would have to do it. The only way to make that statement is to get everybody (or at least a majority) to sign onto it and proudly and publicly so that other people won’t worry about being castigated or ridiculed for throwing votes away. Unless they vote for Nader, because, duh.
Every time somebody brings up a third party option, it’s like we are daring each other to break the mold, but ultimately we all know that not enough people will take up the dare and go with it, and that if not enough people take the dare, everybody will get hurt.
I would love for my country to prove me wrong on this, but my pessimism is getting the better of me.
So, people who insist that voting for a third party is the answer to all of our problems: How about finding a viable third-party candidate who is strong enough to make people consider voting outside of the two party system, and if you think you have such a candidate, do you know a feasible† solution to getting enough people to vote for them without simply handing the election to a party that appears to be actively trying to destroy our country?
.
.
†By “feasible” I mean, “will actually work.”
ETA: There’s no good answer for the 2012 elections forthcoming, so I am putting forth my own third-party candidate:

Note: Beyonce + “Knock Knock, Motherfucker” belong to The Bloggess (if you haven’t read the relevant blog post, because you live under a rock in a barn in a cave in TibeChinAfrica, it’s here). The godawful Photoshop job is all me. Yeah, baby.
Like this:
Like Loading...
December 28, 2011 | Categories: Diagrams and Charts, Observations, Politics | Tags: 2012, bachmann, candidates, democrats, gingrich, ndaa, obama, perry, politics, president, presidential candidates, republicans, ron paul, third party voting | 12 Comments »
Vegetables. Pizza.
Clicking on the image will make it less blurry,
and give you a deep sense of personal satisfaction:1

In other news, if I ever have kids, they are totally getting a bag lunch, or at least a carrot or something.
1 I lied about the deep sense of personal satisfaction.
Like this:
Like Loading...
November 18, 2011 | Categories: Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Observations, Politics, Really? | Tags: congress, Food, law, pizza, pizza is not a vegetable, these people are running the country, vegetables | 4 Comments »
Click Image To Make Readable:

(Thanks to Nate for title and the reminder about Berkeley Bowl West. Nate is awesome. Go read his blog.)
Like this:
Like Loading...
November 10, 2011 | Categories: Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Random | Tags: bacon, bartending, charts, circles of hell, dante, driving, drum circles, geekery, hell, hippies, hipsters, pets, robert jordan, semicircles, tipping | 5 Comments »
So, I took a request for a flowchart. This is the result. And, no: this flowchart was not a man’s idea.
Apparently I’m taking requests, now? Maybe?
Click Image for EnWhorelargificationary Effect:

Like this:
Like Loading...
October 17, 2011 | Categories: Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Observations, Things that will piss off the oversensitive. | Tags: catty, convenient feminism, failed feminism, feminism, whore, women | Leave A Comment »
In honor of National Coming Out Day, and all of the individuals coming out today (and who have already come out, and who aren’t quite ready to come out)—I sincerely hope you lose this game of BINGO:
Click Image For MoBiggification:

Like this:
Like Loading...
October 11, 2011 | Categories: Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Observations, Politics | Tags: bay area, biphobia, coming out of the closet, friends, gay, Homophobia, lesbian, lgbt, lgbtq, national coming out day, queer, san francisco, snark, transgender | 7 Comments »
The past year has looked like this:

Nice! Simple, uncomplicated, not in the least bit stressful. But that never lasts, does it?
However, lately things are looking like this:

Damn it.
Like this:
Like Loading...
October 4, 2011 | Categories: Being Single, Dating, Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Relationships | Tags: charts, communication, crushes, dating, desire, flirting, flowchart, oops, relationships, sex, Unicorns, whiskey, women | Leave A Comment »
San Francisco’s scenic Mission District in the morning: BINGO!
Click image for embiggification:

Like this:
Like Loading...
September 23, 2011 | Categories: Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Observations | Tags: bingo, mission, mission district, morning, san francisco, sf, stinky | 10 Comments »
Riana, in answer to my surprise at the popularity of The Sookie Stackhouse Decision Tree:

Like this:
Like Loading...
July 27, 2011 | Categories: Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Observations, Random | Tags: bitches, flowchart, lolcat, photos | Leave A Comment »
Click to biggify:

Like this:
Like Loading...
July 26, 2011 | Categories: Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Observations, Really? | Tags: Alcide, Alcide Herveaux, awful television, bad television, Bill, Bill Compton, chart, decision tree, Eric Northman, snark, Sookie, Sookie Stackhouse, television, True Blood, vampires, werewolves | 2 Comments »
Proven conclusively as of approximately 3:45am:

Like this:
Like Loading...
June 25, 2011 | Categories: Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Observations, Random | Tags: bartending, basic math, grr argh, math, not enough sleep, parallel parking, sleep, zombies | 2 Comments »

Like this:
Like Loading...
April 25, 2011 | Categories: Dating, Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Observations, Relationships | Tags: charts, communication, crushes, dating, desire, duh, fact, Love, lust, Rejection, relationships, sex, women | Leave A Comment »

Like this:
Like Loading...
March 2, 2011 | Categories: Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Relationships | Tags: books, bookstores, budget pitfalls, humor, used books, used bookstores, venn diagrams, whiskey, women | Leave A Comment »

Like this:
Like Loading...
February 13, 2011 | Categories: Diagrams and Charts, Food, Humor, Observations | Tags: bartending, charts, funny venn diagrams, reciprocity, tending bar, tipping, tips, venn diagrams | 1 Comment »
(Click to Biggify)

Like this:
Like Loading...
February 10, 2011 | Categories: Diagrams and Charts, Humor, Observations, Random | Tags: 99 problems, charts, flowchart, problem solving, problems, shortest flowchart ever, whiskey, women, zombies | 2 Comments »