Typically narcissistic blogging.

I’m Not Homophobic, But…

“I’m not homophobic, but…”

I have a love-hate relationship with this statement (and all permutations). I love it, because I’m always spoiling for this fight. I hate it, because it’s nearly impossible to get through people’s heads the fact that anything they say after “I’m not homophobic, but” will mean those first three words are seriously stretching the truth.

Today I got into it with a guy who said, I’m not homophobic. I just wonder what I do to give gay guys the idea that they should approach me. [Paraphrasing, his grammar and sentence structure were about as pleasing as his logic.]

I replied, But you don’t wonder about that when women approach you? If you think that gay men are approaching you because you are “doing something,” then you are inherently judging gays differently.

He said, There’s a HUGE difference between being approached by a woman and a man. I’m interested in women. I do what I need to do to have them approach me. I do it for them… not for men. [Direct quote.]

Heh. Right. So bear with me here: if you make yourself attractive, but you are only attracted to women, then you should only be attractive to women? ZOMG—does that mean you are sending out accidental gay signals? Why else would Teh Gayz be hitting on you? Dude, whatever you are doing, you better cut that shit out. Or some guy might think that you are making yourself attractive just for him. And that would be gay.

Let’s look at some more truthful options for how to really finish “I’m not homophobic but…”:

  • I’m backward and pig-ignorant.
  • gays freak me out.
  • only as long as they stay on that side of the street.
  • if one touched me I’d pull a knife.
  • that’s because I’m too busy being racist.

6 responses

  1. Marisa

    What he meant to say was… “I’m not homophobic but… I don’t understand why I can’t stop sucking cock.”

    September 27, 2010 at 12:01 am

  2. He had his pants around his god damn ankles! He was gonna fall.

    September 27, 2010 at 4:00 pm

  3. Pingback: How To Lose An Argument: Two Lists « The Adventures of the Terminally Unemployed

  4. that’s very similar to “no offense, but….”

    Stop right there. It’s going to be offensive. Shut up.

    January 13, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    • Precisely. You can excuse yourself all you like, but what comes out of your mouth is still exactly what you say it isn’t going to be.

      January 14, 2012 at 12:35 am

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