Typically narcissistic blogging.


This morning I disappointed a dear friend in her (admittedly very gratifying) assumption that I am always charming and witty. I will admit that while my wit rarely fails me in the majority of situations, there is one situation in which it always fails: flirting.

Well, wait. I can flirt, so let’s be more specific: when a woman flirts with me. When a woman, especially one I find very attractive, flirts with me, it usually results in one (or more) of the following scenarios:

I. I am clueless:

  • Woman: *flirts*
  • Whiskeypants: I have no idea what you are talking about. *turns back to friend/book/computer*

II. I am paralyzed:

  • Woman: *flirts*
  • Whiskeypants: *freezes*
  • Woman: *waits*
  • Whiskeypants: *tries to find something witty to say*
  • Woman: *smiles sympathetically and wanders away*
  • Whiskeypants: *comes up with ten witty things to say*

III. I am a buffoon:

  • Woman: *flirts*
  • Whiskeypants: *walks into wall/trips over foot/spills food or drink*
  • Woman: *smiles sympathetically and wanders away*

IV. I may or may not have drooled on myself:

  • Woman: *flirts*
  • Whiskeypants: *turns bright red, forgets the English language, and has potentially drooled*
  • Woman: *Buys me a drink and follows me home.Sidles away cautiously*

Yep. They really love number IV, lemme tell ya. 60% of the time, it works every time.

2 responses

  1. loveandcoco

    Hahaha I think the ‘freeze’ definitely happens to everyone at least once in their lives!

    October 23, 2010 at 6:02 pm

    • I know it does. It’s when it combines with the tripping over myself and drooling that I really regret it…

      October 23, 2010 at 10:55 pm

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