Typically narcissistic blogging.

When I Die

I just fled from a wake for a friend of mine.

I do not like these somber affairs where people talk amongst themselves and then maybe, just maybe, get up the gumption to tell stories of the deceased.

Where they drink caffeinated beverages and look at photographs and wonder if they took the deceased for granted, wonder if things would have been different if they had called when they meant to, if they had visited more often, if they had done something, anything differently.

Fuck. That. Noise.

When I die, let there be a party. Let the whiskey flow freely, let the stories be filled with more dirty details than you would have ever included in my lifetime. Talk shit about me, laugh at my mistakes, enjoy how impossibly, remarkably human I was. Enjoy the ways I made you laugh, lament the ways I made you furious, remember the adventures we had. Drink more whiskey. Dance, sing, do the fuckin’ can-can.

If you don’t leave the wake for Whiskeypants laughing, if you aren’t drunk (or actually on the wagon), if you didn’t have a fantastic time…? Well, fuckin’ do it again until you get it right.

When I die, remember this. Because I will come back to haunt your ass and make you miserable if you don’t.

5 responses

  1. One party, duly noted. I might not be able to make the one all the way over there, but fuck it, nobody parties like an Aussie.

    July 30, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    • So long as you get your party on, Simon. 🙂

      July 30, 2011 at 6:27 pm

  2. sam

    As gruesome as it is, I always had a certain level of respect for the stories of the Irish (?) wakes where they’d prop the corpse up in the corner with a bottle of their favorite whiskey and everyone else would get smashing drunk celebrating their lives. It may have never actually happened but I’ve heard the stories multiple times.

    July 31, 2011 at 2:28 am

  3. So let it be written, so let it be done!

    Same goes for me, word for word. Except replace “Let the whiskey flow freely” with “Let the (anything except gin or Jagermeister because that shit’s nasty) flow freely”.

    October 4, 2011 at 9:01 am

  4. Pingback: Donovan « The Adventures of the Terminally Snarky

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