Typically narcissistic blogging.

Crush Part III: The Separation of Church and State

For Science: The first part of the post was written after margaritas, a pint of Jameson and ginger, and some number of old fashioned—what the hell is the plural for “old fashioned”? “Old Fashioneds”? I mean, when you are sober. When you are drunk, the plural is something like, “Ol’fashenz”. 

Okay, Whiskeypants, let’s reel it back in. For science:

Almost nothing in the title is relevant to this post. But that’s the title I came up with on my midnight walk home from BART, and I’m stickin’ to it. Mostly because I have had too much whiskey not to.

Wait, that’s not true. The crush part is relevant. And the separation part. And the Part III part. But not the church and state thing, ‘cept maybe metaphorically. And the crush bit is not 100% relevant, since this post is mostly about desire—but crushes apply, too.

On the plus side, I just found a glass of cranberry juice I left here Monday morning. It tastes fine. So here’s to hydration.

One of the social skills I have repeatedly refined over the years is the ability to be 100% cool with being friends with women I desire. It’s a more or less invisible social skill that, in my drunker moments, I think is totally underappreciated. I think it is a skill more people ought to develop, honestly. It brings perspective in to the relationships I cultivate because I want, allowing me to realize that I can cultivate them much better because what I want is merely a facet of somebody much more interesting and complex.

That does not, of course, make it easier to deal with actively and determinedly being friends with people I’d like to throw against the wall and kiss until one or both of us just can’t breathe anymore (especially if I already have and can remember what it feels like to do so). It just makes it possible and, in most cases, preferable. When you take a look at the hotness of the people around me [From here on, writing sober:] (and it’s really rather remarkable), the need to separate desire from friendship and to box that desire up becomes apparent. So does the difficulty of doing so. But I don’t think I could be friends with these folks if I couldn’t do it. Not and be a real friend.

Which is, I suppose, the long way ’round of saying: I don’t think it’s possible to be a true friend to somebody you also happen to want to fuck if you lead with your dick (real or metaphorical) and not your head and your heart.

So then it becomes a matter of priorities—are you hanging around because you hope they will eventually open up to you, or are you sticking around because you hope they will eventually ,,open up,, to you? And how honest are you being with yourself about that? And how honest with them? 

And now the real question:

8 responses

  1. sam

    I just assumed it was like the plural of Attorney General. Olds Fashioned.

    August 10, 2011 at 10:01 am

    • Maybe I should add that to the options.

      August 10, 2011 at 10:03 am

    • I’m going with Olds Fashioned in honor my alma mater.

      August 10, 2011 at 3:56 pm

  2. And what is the plural of Bloody Mary. Bloody Marys? Bloody Maries? Bloody Mary-s? I could never figure that one out. None of them look correct.

    August 10, 2011 at 10:52 am

    • I’ve always used “Bloody Marys” even though it makes me cringe. And you are right–they all look pretty awful on paper.

      August 10, 2011 at 11:17 am

      • sam

        “A good breakfast”

        August 10, 2011 at 11:46 am

  3. The thing is, as soon as you’re crushing on someone, your ability to be an advocate for their best interests is totally compromised. That doesn’t mean that it’s suddenly a choose your own adventure book where everyone’s underwear ends up on the floor… but it does mean that everything you do is likelier to have that as the intended results (to varying degrees, based upon the person having the crush and the infatuation level of said crush).

    It also doesn’t mean that the crush-er is the one to defend against – crush-ers are just as likely to do self-defeating things as they are to make less than selfless proclamations of advice. Because every crush-er has had that moment equivalent, or even identical to “You know, I don’t need to eat this month or next… let’s surprise (the crush-ed upon) with their entire amazon wish list!”

    (Just jawing, not necessarily addressing specific points you made)

    August 10, 2011 at 10:58 am

    • [Responding here as well.]
      Right, and part of the tools I have been building have been about recognizing that kind of behavior and deciding not to act on it–at least, not as such. When I have the compulsion to do something silly (for me) and generous (for the crushee), I tend to file it away until later, when I can look at that compulsion and decide whether it’s an even remotely reasonable thing to do under any circumstances where the crushee is not putting out *grin*.

      August 10, 2011 at 11:16 am

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