Typically narcissistic blogging.

Whiskeypants, on Dating


There’s this woman, with whom I have almost become acquainted. Almost. By that, I mean I have spoken to her, once. Sorta. I don’t actually know how drunk I was when I managed to get those words out, but the fact that enough whiskey had been consumed for me to talk to her suggests…very.

The thing is, I find her so mindbogglingly hot I cannot bring myself to talk to her. I cannot even look her in the eyes. When our eyes do by some accident meet, I feel like I’ve been knocked on my ass, and every last bit of the clever snarkiness you expect from me vanishes. Gone. Poof. So, you know. It totally makes sense that I don’t let myself within five feet of her.tumblr_inline_mzciw327KL1rup8k6



There’s this woman I’ve known for some time, now. She’s ridiculous; talented; brilliant; strange. I love looking her in the eyes; her eyes are so expressive, they practically have their own vocabulary. I am certain I can never tell her this, or how beautiful I think she is.



This is why people get cats.


6 responses

  1. Laura Scaramastra

    I randomly stumbled upon your blog during an extended late night session with the googoracle… Not much of a smoke blower, but I appreciate very much how your writing is beautiful, visceral, true, and painful to read sometimes. Thank you…it’s rare to be able to say that about anyone anymore :/. This post is so effing adorable I don’t know if I should gather a gaggle of girls to strew watermelon Jolly Ranchers on your path or hit you in the throat with a wrench (respectfully of course)

    June 6, 2014 at 11:19 am

    • Thank you. That’s one of those compliments that keeps me writing even when I am convinced I’m just not that good. Basically, you’ve made my day.

      WRT Jolly Ranchers or throat wrenches, go ahead. Surprise me.

      June 6, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    • Dear Pantaloni di Whiskey,
      I’m not sure if you check your blog anymore, but I was hoping to ask a small kindness of you. I posted the above semi drunken, possibly veiled threat/candy bribe some years ago at a time when the world seemed to have a last vestige of a sense of humor.
      Alas- that vestige has gone gangrenous and I’ve decided to pursue the arduous task of eliminating my wee interweb footprints.
      I have no recollection of adding my name to this but there it is. Would you be possibly willing to delete my comment…or perhaps allow me to copy and paste it with my random nerdy diar-ee blog name instead?
      It seems I’m the only one with my name and when googled, people can surreptitiously stumble upon my legacy, which is my apparent lack of coherence (as noted above).
      I’d be most grateful to you.
      I hope that you are doing well…and that, even with the changes that accident must have brought to your world, somehow you are still finding things that shine.

      May 22, 2017 at 1:58 pm

  2. Oh how I do hope you talk to her! Is it someone you see often? Can you talk to her little by little, one step at a time, and in a year you two will know so much about each other and who knows where things may lead? I can tell you as a woman, when I was single, it was wonderful when a man was nice to me. My husband got me because he made the effort to talk to me. I later found out that there were other guys who were into me when I was single. One of them was too scared to talk to me much. We were friends and if he would have worked up to taking me out I totally would have gone but he was too late! I had no idea he was into me.

    July 9, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    • For the first woman, I need to get to the point where I can even make eye contact with her, first. I am still in run-out-of-the-room-as-soon-as-possible mode when she shows up. Maybe if I work up to it very, very slowly. VERY SLOWLY.

      For the second…I just don’t get to have her.

      July 9, 2014 at 1:53 pm

  3. Here’s the thing…we’re all gonna die…no one gets out alive. Just talk to her. You never know.

    July 10, 2014 at 12:31 pm

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