Typically narcissistic blogging.

Year of the Whiskeypants

Normally around this time of year, I do a retrospective, but while a retrospective post (of sorts) is coming, right now I am looking forward.

I am so fucking tired of being asked why I am single. Why I don’t date more. Why I don’t have women just crawling all over me. 

I don’t know how I am supposed to have the fucking answer to that question. Is it my failing? Theirs? Did the stars not align that week? Who fucking knows? What I do know, is that I have played and lost at this game so often that I know all the rules, all the side quests (including the one with the firebreathing dragon), and how to navigate many of the annoying puzzles. 

At this point I have a fair idea of when I am being manipulated, managed, gaslighted, and when I should be waiting to be dumped by somebody who maybe thinks I haven’t noticed when they have suddenly disappeared from all forms of communication for a week even though I have had to chase them the fuck down. 

The question is not why I am single. The question is why I put up with this bullshit at all. And I do, way too often. 

Fuck. That.

So, 2015 is going to be the year that I stop. I am going to stop trying to chase down women who won’t be honest or communicative with me. I am going to stop trying to convince the people I date that I’m the one (or one of the people) for them. I am going to stop being the anchor for people who can’t fucking commit. I am going to stop putting up with the gaslighting and the radio silence. Fuck all of that. If people can’t recognize that I am worth chasing, wooing, caring for, and communicating clearly and honestly with, then I’m out. 

2015 is the year of the Whiskeypants. I’m brilliant, hilarious, kind, generous, and loving. I have a short pudgy body that is soft, warm, and extremely cuddly, and you’d be lucky to feel it next to you.

And if it turns out nobody is into that, fuck it. I have a cat, a Roku, and a sexy fucking motorcycle. I’m good.

11 responses

  1. Mer

    I love you.

    December 30, 2014 at 2:00 pm

  2. I’ve never met you but I totally have a crush on your blog persona. Your intellect is smokin’ hot.

    December 30, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    • Why thank you.
      My blog persona is the same as the rest of me–there’s no filter. 😀

      December 30, 2014 at 2:11 pm

      • I can vouch for this. Whiskeypants is just as awesome when encountered in the wild.

        December 30, 2014 at 4:53 pm

  3. erind3

    My husband wouldn’t mind if I left him for you. Just sayin’.

    December 30, 2014 at 2:17 pm

  4. jenneviere

    You are completely cuddle-able. I can vouch (and would like some WhiskeyPants cuddles soon, please!).

    December 30, 2014 at 4:42 pm

  5. damn you are amazing. and that isn’t an opinion. it’s a fact. Happy New years

    December 31, 2014 at 6:45 pm

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