Typically narcissistic blogging.

2015: The Year of “Welp…”

It’s about time for my annual retrospective, and boy is this one a fuckin’ doozy.

Most of y’all know that my birthday, which is mid-January, was followed immediately by an accident that resulted in the loss of my left foot

I also, in the process, lost my job, my health, and, thanks to the incredibly poor behavior of an ultimately untrustworthy “friend”, the roof over my head.

It is now December, just under a month shy of the anniversary of that accident. I have, in that time:

  • Discovered what a phenomenal group of friends and supporters I have. Holy shit, y’all. I could complain about the one person who turned out to be a dishonest shitbag of a garbage human, but why, when I have SO MANY AMAZING PEOPLE in my life? I could not have made it through this year without my friends, and I am so unbelievably grateful to all of them for everything.
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  • Recovered from a vicious C Diff infection, the results of which still affect my appetite and ability to eat. I’m now up to about two meals a day, from nearly nothing. It’s not always easy or consistent, and the food my body will accept is significantly more limited than it used to be. I’m still experiencing regular unplanned weight loss. But I can eat, and I have energy to exercise and work.
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  • Survived one of the strongest, longest periods of sustained suicide ideation in my life, sometimes by sitting on my hands for hours at a time. I owe much of the emotional reserves it took to stay alive to my beloved cat, and my beloved friend Eden Gallanter.
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  • Learned how to function, first without a foot, and then with a prosthesis. This took months of religiously following the instructions of my physical therapists, the determination to work through pain and discomfort  to become functional again, and the ongoing support of my incredible friends.
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  • Busted my ass to recover both strength and physical ability. From workouts at home to kicking ass at the gym, I have spent hours and hours exercising. It’s paid off.
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  • Found a new job, and then a better job.
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  • Discovered what happens when two exceptionally well-matched people are extremely open, honest, caring, and careful with each other right from the start (they fall head over heels for each other).

In 2015 I fought my way through hell, and I won’t say I came out of it whole (I mean emotionally and mentally, obviously not physically). But I somehow managed to get my life, which was entirely derailed, back on track (even if on a different track than it was on before the accident). I somehow managed to hold on to my strength and my sanity. I somehow managed to find love with a woman who blows me away on a daily basis. I somehow managed to get to the point where I can face 2016 with pride in what I’ve accomplished, with some optimism for the future, and with a better sense of what I need to do and where I need to be than I ever had before.

I’m not gonna say “Happy New Year” or anything like that. If there is one thing I’ve learned over the last handful of years, it’s that it’s a pretty fucking ridiculous thing to say. I will say: Welcome, 2016. If we can just avoid voting Trump into office, we might be okay.

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