Here is a short list of things to remember when you have a crush—I’m listing them here because in the last couple of weeks, I’ve been forgetting these tools, making the crush I currently have much less manageable. Which sucks, because frankly, it’s bad enough that I don’t get to touch her as it is.
1. Crushes are temporary. Temporary!
They are even more temporary if you don’t entertain them in your head. But who am I fooling? I don’t just entertain my crushes—I make them tea, play them songs on my guitar, do interpretive dance for them, and invite them to stay indefinitely. But they don’t.
I know it seems like it’s gonna last forever. And I have had crushes that have lasted years—before, during, and through other relationships. So I understand if you are shaking your head right now and fervently disagreeing with me because you’ve been into that one person since kindergarten. But really, I swear, it’s temporary. Or you’re actually in love, and therefore SOL. Sorry. I bet they’re adorable.
2. You are not what they are looking for right now.
And maybe they ought to be looking for you. The way my crush could really do a lot worse than settling on me. However, let’s face it—if they don’t think of you romantically, no amount of showing them how awesome you are is going to change that.
That is to say—it’s out of your hands, gentle reader. If your crush wakes up one day to the realization that you are awesome in a romantic sense, then you are one lucky motherlover. You may also discover you are in a romantic comedy with Jennifer Aniston.
3. If you find yourself in a romantic comedy with Jennifer Aniston, don’t panic.
Just try to remember your lines and collect your paycheck later. It will be okay.
4. If you know what he or she is looking for, don’t try to turn yourself into that.
You are what you are, my friend. That doesn’t mean you should not be constantly working to improve yourself—however you choose to do so. Improve yourself for yourself.
Don’t try to turn yourself into a mountain goat because they like to climb, do it because you want to, because you love it. Don’t try to read all the works of Pynchon because your crush is a snobby intellectual hipster. Read them because you are a snobby intellectual hipster.
5. Don’t assume it’s because of your shortcomings.
Don’t assume it isn’t, either. But that’s not the point. You have to remember that just because they don’t see the great qualities for which they are searching, it doesn’t mean that those qualities aren’t there, or that there aren’t others that ought to be considered.
This is a good opportunity—not to focus on all the things that you are not (to them, anyway), but to focus on all the things they are missing out on. There may be a million reasons why they should be seriously considering you. Focus on those—theoretically eventually somebody will come around who wants all of those things. It just might not be your crush. The confidence this helps to create makes you even more attractive.
6. Be cool, Sodapop.
Don’t get yourself all worked up over this. Given that it is out of your hands (with regard, anyway, to doing anything about your situation—any entertaining of the crush itself may lead to things being very much in your hands), you have to remember to belt in, sit back, keep hands, feet, and elbows inside the car—and enjoy the ride.